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Gordon

  1. Hello City
  2. Enid
  3. Grade 9
  4. Brian Wilson
  5. Be My Yoko Ono
  6. Wrap Your Arms Around Me
  7. What a Good Boy
  8. The King of Bedside Manor
  9. Box Set
  10. I Love You
  11. New Kid (on the Block)
  12. Blame it on Me
  13. The Flag
  14. If I Had $1000000
  15. Crazy


"I sometimes think 'Gordon' must be the most bootlegged album in U.S history, since it sold only 200,000 copies in the country, yet 800,000 kids know the words to every song."
-Steven Page ("Barenaked Ladies' 'Spectacle'" By Timothy White 8/31/96 Billboard)

Released: July, 28, 1992
Producer: Michael Phillip Wojewoda

Nominated: Juno 1993 Canadian Entertainer of the Year, Juno 1993 Album of the Year, Juno 1993 Single of the Year for Enid, Juno 1994 Canadian Entertainer of the Year

Awards: Juno 1993 Group of the Year, Gold in US on August 28, 1998

Gordon was the ladies first full-length album. It was recorded independently funded by CFNY's Discovery-To-Disc program. An instant success in Canada, Gordon sold more than 80,000 copies in the first 24 hours on sale.

Steve and Ed had decided very early on that they would name their first record like a child instead of just giving it a title, and they settled on a common Canadian boys' name. (Its origin is British, and it means round hill.)1

The disc had two different covers. The original cover has a picture of the ladies looking not very *ahem* hip. Also, the orginal cd has a clear stripe instead of a white stripe. The cover was changed in 1996 to a picture of a red, white, and blue ball. The change was pretty much a joint decision between the ladies and their new (at the time) management, Nettwerk. Steve has called the original cover "the worst album cover in history" and said, "We realized that we probably could have sold about 800,000 copies if we had a decent record cover. I know a lot of people got that album in the mail and the radio station would say, 'What the fuck is this?2'" When the cover was switched, some were printed cds with the old cover but with the new jewel case back. And no, the ladies did not sell out (to Pepsi anyway). The familiar looking ball is supposed to look like a ball that everyone had when they were little (perhaps just in Canada?).

1babynames.com
2"800,000 Bareanked Ladies Fans Can't Be Wrong" By Mike Cimicata Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Nov/Dec. 1996



Hello City
(Page/Robertson)

Hello City.....
Another night at the palace, 'cause there is nothing else to do.
The same people, the same drinks and the same music, the same quicksand
I think this harbor town is waist deep and sinking fast.

Hello city, you've found an enemy in me
Hello city, hello city.

Second night at the Warehouse, and my mock turtleneck just reeks.
From the liquor room to the changeroom
To the doom and gloom of the hotel room,
I wish this seaside beerhall would sink into the bay.

Hello city, you've found an enemy in me
Hello city, hello city.

Maybe I caught you at a bad time,
Maybe I should call you back next week,
maybe half the fault was mine that the sun didn't shine on barrington street.

It's three o'clock in the morning, and I'm hungry so let's eat.
Climb down three flights to the streetlights
and the barfights, we're just taking in the sights.
I hope tomorrow that I wake up in my own bed.

Hello city, you've found an enemy in me
Hello city, hello city.

"What a good place to be, don't believe them,
'Cause they speak a different language
And it's never been happy for me.
It's Happy Hour again."

Hello city, hello city.



Enid
(Page/Robertson)

"The silence, the terror, the pain, the horror
As your mom comes downstairs"

Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
It took me a year to believe it was over
and it took me two more to get over the loss.
I took a beating when you wrote me those letters
and every time I remembered the taste of your lipgloss.

Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway.
but Enid we really never knew each other anyway.

There were times when I wanted to hurt you,
And there were times when I know that I did.
There were times when I thought I would kill you,
but can you blame me I was only a kid.

Tell me why we never really respected each other
and tell me why I never believed you were a person too
I always thought that you fancied my brother.
I may not have liked it, oh but memory is a stranage thing, oh
And Enid?
Enid I remember you.

Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway.
but Enid we really never knew each other anyway.

It took me a year to believe it was over
and it took me two more to get over the loss.
I took a beating when you wrote me those letters
and every time you told me to get lost.

Now it's not fair to say that it's 'cause I was three inches shorter then,
and it's not fair to say it's 'cause I was only fifteen years old.
But maybe it's fair to say there was a lack of communication;
I took a phone message, oh and speaking of communication, oh,
And Enid, 
Enid you caught a cold.

I can get a job, I can pay the phone bills
I can cut the lawn, cut my hair, cut out my cholesterol
I can work overtime, I can work in a mine
I can do it all for you,
But I don't want to.

Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway.
but Enid we really never knew each other anyway.

[Ed's "Secret Verse"]
I can teach you how to dance, how to sing, how to knit,
How to make things that you never ever made before
Enid, I can teach you how to use cookie cutters
To make crazy things out of Play-Doh
Little houses, little farms, little accessories for your mom,
For your Barbie set, for your friends and your family
Enid, I can teach you how to snowmobile, cross-country ski, snowshoe,
But I don't want to!

Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Enid we never really knew each other anyway.
Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway.
but Enid we really never knew each other anyway.

Enid we never really knew each other anyway.



Grade 9
(A. Creeggan/J. Creeggan/Page/Robertson/Stewart)

I found my locker and I found my classes.
Lost my lunch and I broke my glasses.
That guy is huge! That girl is wailin'!
First day of school and I'm already failing.

This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine.

I've got a blue-and-red Adidas bag and a humongous binder
I'm trying my best not to look like a minor niner.
I went out for the football team to prove that I'm a man;
I guess I shouldn't tell them that I like Duran Duran.

This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine.

Well half my friends are crazy and the others are depressed
And none of them can help me study for my math test
Got into the classroom and my knowledge was gone;
Guess I should've studied instead of watching Wrath of Khan.

This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine.

Jim: They called me chicken legs
Andy: They called me four-eyes
Steve: They called me fatso
Tyler: They called me buckwheat
Ed: They called me Eddie


This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine.

I've got a red leather tie and a pair of rugger pants
I put them on and I went to the high school dance
Dad said I have to be home by eleven-
Aw man I'm gonna miss Stairway to Heaven.

This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine.



Brian Wilson
(Page)

Drove downtown in the rain
Nine-thirty on a Tuesday night,
Just to check out the late-night record shop
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane
When I'm surrounded I just can't stop.

It's a matter of instinct,
It's a matter of conditioning,
It's a matter of fact
You can call me Pavlov's dog
Ring a bell and I'll salivate -- how'd you like that
Dr. Landy tell me you're not just a pedagogue
'Cause right now I'm

Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did.

So I'm lying here
Just staring at the ceiling tiles,
And I'm thinking about what to think about.
Just listening and relistening to Smiley Smile
And I'm wondering if this is some kind of creative drought
Because I'm

Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did.

And if you want to find me I'll be out in the sandbox
Wondering where all the hell all the love has gone
Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun
And singing "Fun Fun Fun"

Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did.

I had a dream
That I was three hundred pounds
And though I was very heavy
I floated till I couldn't see the ground
I floated till I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground
Somebody help me because I'm

Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did
Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did.

Drove downtown in the rain
Nine-thirty on a Tuesday night,
Just to check out the late-night record shop
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane
When I'm surrounded I just can't stop.



Be My Yoko Ono
(Page/Robertson)

If there's someone you can live 
without, then do so
If there's someone you can
just shove out, then do so

You can be my Yoko Ono
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my, be my, 
Be my Yoko Ono

Isn't it beautiful to see two people 
So much in love?
Barenaked as two virgins hand in 
Hand and hand in hand in glove
Now that I'm far away it doesn't 
seem to me to be such a pain
To have you hanging off my ankle 
like some ball and chain.

You can be my Yoko Ono
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my, be my, 
be my Yoko Ono

Oh no, here we go,
Our life is just one big pun.
Ono, here we go as Yoko sings
Aieee!

I know that when I say this
I might be stepping on pins and needles
But I don't like all these people slagging her
For breaking up the Beatles
Don't blame it on Yokey
If I was John and you were Yoko
I would gladly give up musical genius
Just to have you as my very own
Personal Venus


(Hit it)


You can be my Yoko Ono
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my, be my, 
be my Yoko Ono

Whoa ohhhhhh



Wrap Your Arms Around Me
(Words: Page/Robertson Music: Creeggan/Robertson)

I concede that you were right about this place
I can make a perfect likeness of your body if I trace
I can hold you til you turn out the light
And I can't see

Do you believe that we are all innately good
Do you think that you would love me until tomorrow if you could
Won't you please turn down the radio
So we can speak

I put my hands around your neck
You wrap your arms around me
I put my hands around your neck
You wrap your arms around me
I put my hands around your neck
You wrap your arms around me

I regret every time I raised my voice
And it wouldn't be that bright of me
to say I had no choice
I can kiss your eyes your hair your neck
Until we forget



What a Good Boy
(Words: Page Music: Page/Robertson)

When I was born, they looked at me and said
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born, they looked at you and said
What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl

We've got these chains that hang around our necks,
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
When temptation calls we just look away.

This name is the hairshirt I wear,
And this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
Bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
I know that it isn't right
But be with me tonight

I go to school, I write exams
If I pass, if I fail, if I drop out, does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget
'Cause it won't take much for me to show that my life ain't over yet

I wake up scared, I wake up strange
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
And everything around me stays the same

This name is the hairshirt I wear,
And this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
Bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
I know that it isn't right
But be with me tonight

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong
Chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song
I couldn't tell you that you were right
So instead I looked in the mirror watched tv laid awake all night


We've got these chains that hang around our necks,
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
When temptation calls...


This name is the hairshirt I wear,
And this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
Bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
I know that it isn't right
But be with me tonight


When I was born, they looked at me and said
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born, they looked at you and said
What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey.



The King of Bedside Manor
(Page/Robertson)

You know he's not the kind of man who likes to see the world around him
Crumble to a ball around his feet.
So he's always ready, he's always set, he's always well prepared,
He's the most peculiar man you'd care to meet.

You know he's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He's not the Tom Jones who lives next door.
He's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He hardly even lives there anymore. 

He says excuse me I hope you don't mind that I followed you into this shop
But I couldn't help noticing that riding crop
Sticking out of your haversack
Um, I wouldn't mind riding you bareback

He's subtle on the dance floor and he's suave around the bar
He's a quick draw with a lighter, he's a pseudo movie star
You know he was quite a singer quite An actor quite some time ago.
He had quite a famous program, late night bedtime TV show.

You know he's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He's not the Tom Jones who lives next door.
He's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He hardly even lives there any more. 

Well, he opens up the curtains at the crack of dawn
Just to see the lovely ladies who have come and gone
From the house next door to his house on the lane,
He consoles himself that he's got his health and he knows he can't complain.

You know he's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He's not the Tom Jones who lives next door.
He's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He hardly even lives there any more. 

He's not the king of bedside manor
He's not the king of bedside manor
Hardly even lives there any more

Stix!
Domo arigato Mr. Roboto 

He's not the king, he's not the king, he's not the king
Of bedside manor



Box Set
(Page)

I never thought that you would
Love me the way that you do.
I never thought that you would
Love me half as much as I do.
You say you want to know
Everything about me -- well here you go,
But if you want it girl, you got it;
It's all right here in my box set. 

I never thought that words like
Product would ever leave my lips,
But something happened to me
Somewhere that made me lose my grip.
Maybe it's a lack of inspiration
That makes me stoop,
Or maybe it's a lack of
Remuneration; I can't recoup.
But if you want it, folks, you got it;
It's all right here in my box set. 

Disc One
It's where we've begun, it's all my greatest hits,
And if you are a fan then you know that you've
already got 'em. 

Disc Two
It was all brand new, and album's worth of songs,
but we had to leave the whole disc blank because some other label bought 'em. 

Disc Three
This is really me in a grade school play,
I had about a hundred thousand lines, but of course I forgot 'em.

I never thought there'd be days like this,
There was always someone at my door.
I never thought I would ever miss,
And the crowd would always holler for more.
But now it seems all that people want
Is what I used to be
And every time I try to do something new,
All they want is 1973. 

I never thought I'd be regretful
Of all my past success
But some stupid number one hit single
Has got me in this mess.
You can put it on every compilation -- that's alright.
You can hear it on the oldies radio station every night.
And if you want it again, you got it --
It's right here in my box set. 

Disc Four
Never released before,
And you can tell why;
It's just some demos
I recorded in my basement. 

Disc Five
I was barely alive,
I was coughing up a lung
So they had to use
A special computer as my replacement. 

Disc Six
A dance remix, 
So I can catch the latest trend
And it'll make you scratch your head
And wonder where my taste went. 

So now my fans are crying sellout,
They say I've lost my touch
They say I should just get the hell out
Before I do too much.
Hear my songs in an ad for a bathroom cleanser --
They say it's greed,
And now I'm wondering where my friends are
In this time of need.
But if you change your mind and buy it,
I hope you enjoy my new box set. I hope you enjoy my new box, Ihope you enjoy
my new box set.



I Love You
(Words: A.Creeggan/J.Creeggan/Page/Robertson Music: A.Creeggan/J.Creeggan)

Chorus:
I love you
And you love me
I love you
So let's make a family tree. 

I like soup, and I like ice cream sandwiches too.
I like fish sticks, but I love you.
You don't believe me,you say all I think about's myself.
Let me explain, don't walk away. 

I love me
You love you
I love me
So what are we to do? 

How would you know, that I love you so?
I don't say too much.
Why are you blue whenever I'm in town?
I guess life was fine till I came 'round. 

You've given me a start, I ain't no
doctor but just take a look at the
chart for my heart like a dart from the
start I'm coming down with something good.
It ain't no fever or flu, doctor says it 
had to be someone
with brown hair and blue eyes, I'm
lovesick for you I realize. 

I's loves you 
And youse loves me
I's loves you
So let's make a family tree. 

How would you know, that I love you so?
I don't say too much.
Why are you blue whenever I'm in town?
I guess life was fine till I came 'round. 

Chorus
I love you
And you love me
I love you
So let's make a family tree.



New Kid (on the Block)
(Scott Dibble/Page/Robertson)

I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sore.
'Cause you can see my face in the window of every store.
You can buy my lunchbox, and you can wear my clothes,
You can remember my name just as plain as the face under your nose. 

I'm a New Kid on the Block,
'Though I may not be Johann Sebastian Bach.
So we may not write the songs we sing,
But look at Elvis, he sold his soul and you crowned him King. 

I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sad,
You see, I've got everything that I always wished I had.
I thank my managers and I thank the screaming girls,
I thank my hairdresser for giving me such beautiful curls. 

Now I'm a New Kid on the Block,
Well, I'm twenty-three and they won't let me grow up.
I went down, to register for the draft,
Well I got up to the counter and the lady there just laughed.

She said, "You're a New Kid on the Block,
Young girls scream and old boys mock,
Well you broke my youngest daughter's heart.
I knew you Kids were trouble from the start." 

I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sure,
That we're as apple pie as you always thought we were.
I can stay up all night. I can have a blast.
I can breakdance, I can fight, I can kick your sorry ass. 

I'm a New Kid on the Block,
And 'though I may not be Johann Sebastian Bach,
There's no need to be afraid of us
'Though it just might be your daughter on our bus.



Blame it on Me
(Page/Robertson)

Here we are again, and we're looking at each other
As if each other were to blame.
You think you're so smart, but I've seen you naked
And I'll probably see you naked again
Milli Vanilli told you to Blame It on The Rain,
But if you blame it on the rain, tell me what can be gained
If all else fails, you can blame it on me. 

Chorus
If all else fails, you can blame it on me.
If all else fails, you can blame it on me.
If all else fails, blame it on me.If all else fails, you can blame it on me. 

Then you smile againbut you're looking at me like there's
something I'm supposed to say
Forgive me, Father, but I've fallen in love
And that's all I have for confession today
Maybe if you asked me on any other given day
I wouldn't have time for you or anything you say
But it's all right now, you can blame it on me. 

Chorus
If all else fails, you can blame it on me.
If all else fails, you can blame it on me.
If all else fails, blame it on me.
If all else fails, you can blame it on me. 
Yes, dear, I love you,
But sometimes I think that love's not enough for you
So you want to play mind games
Well that's fine, go ahead; la la la, I can't hear you. 

Here you are
and you're a hundred thousand miles away;They say that absence makes the heart grow fungus
I wax poetic while you're waxing your legs,
you say you think there's a traitoramong us.


Chorus If all else fails, you can blame it on me.
If all else fails, you can blame it on me.
If all else fails, blame it on me.If all else fails, you can blame it on me.



The Flag
(Page)

The phone rings, it's early, it's seven o'clock,
He says, "Sorry I woke you, but I just had to talk.
You know last night, remember, when I tried to choke you?
I didn't mean it, I was drunk, it was only a joke."
You should know that by now,
When the chequered flag comes down,
No one, no one, no one has won the race. 

The next night he's over and over and under
And after he's finished she lies there and wonders
Just why does she need him, and why does she stay here,
And then in the darkness, she'll quietly say, "Dear,
You've never really known.
That when the white flag is flown,
No one, no one, no one has won the war." 

They're complicated people leading complicated lives,
And he complicates their problems by telling complicated lies.
He tells her he's sorry. She tells him, "It's over."
He tells her he's sorry. She says, over and over, 
"You've never really known,
That when the white flag is flown,
No one, no one, no one has won the war." 

There goes a forest and there goes a bluebird
There goes a partridge and there goes a Go Train
There goes an angel and there goes a steeple
There goes a cop car and there goes an eagle
There goes a raven and there go the ribbons
There goes a raven and there go... 
The ribbons, the ribbons, the ribbons
The ribbons of the flag.



If I Had $1000000
(Page/Robertson)

If I had a $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I had a $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you a K-Car
(A nice Reliant automobile)
If I had $1000000 I'd buy your love. 

If I had a $1000000
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had $1000000
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had $1000000
Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there
Wouldn't that be fabulous.

If I had $1000000
(If I had $1000000)
I'd buy you a fur coat
(But not a real fur coat that's cruel)
And if I had $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Like a llama or an emu)
And if I had $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
(All them crazy elephant bones)
And If I had $1000000 I'd buy your love. 

If I had a $1000000
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a $1000000
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more.
If I had a $1000000
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
But we would. We'd actually make the treefort from the first chorus out of it.


If I had $1000000
(If I had $1000000)
I'd buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress, that's cruel)
And if I had $1000000
(If I had $1000000)
I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had $1000000
(If I had $1000000)
I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted a monkey?) 

If I had $1000000
I’d buy your love

If I had $1000000, If I had $1000000
If I had $1000000, If I had $1000000
I'd be rich.



Crazy
(Robertson/Tim Wilson)

I climb the walls of my mind just
Like I'm climbing on a jungle gym
I am more than content with 
The state of mind I am in
'Cause I am crazy just like you
I am crazy just like you.

I don't think I need a rubber room,
But hey, that might be nice.
I'm not a manic depressive,
Paranoid or schizophrenic so I don't need your advice.
I am crazy just like you
I am crazy just like you. 

The lights are on but nobody's home.
My elevator doesn't go to the top.
I'm not playing with a full deck.
I've lost my marbles.
The lights are on but nobody's home.
My elevator doesn't go to the top.
I'm not playing with a full deck.
I've lost my marbles. 

I'm a few bricks short of a load
But a full load always hurt my back.
I flew over the cuckoo's nest and
I'm never ever coming back because
I am crazy just like you
I am crazy just like you
I am crazy just like you.
I am crazy.